I believe I have a very special curtain. It’s not really the usual cloth material curtain. Instead, I have four cardboard pieces to cover my windows. In the night, when I turn of the lights, my room becomes pitch black. For that few moments before my eyes adjusts to the sudden change in lighting, I see nothing. Those moments have become my favourite part of the day. I used to be afraid of the dark and I can’t sleep if there was no night light.
In the dark, I can’t see a thing. In that silence, I feel what it is like to be trapped. I try to feel what it’s like to be shut in the darkness with no escape.
“Insomnia is a kind of torture because while the world is fast asleep, you’re up all alone, your mind buzzing with each random thought in the universe. And sometimes the thoughts will reach a standstill, and your mind goes blank. You become more aware of the silence. And it is during this moment that you realize how alone you are.”
Granted the darkness is nothing like insomnia, but I believe they are largely similar. I guess it’s kinda morbid that my favourite time of the day is within those moments of darkness. I’m not trying very hard, neither am I trying to put myself in your shoes.
I’m just trying to feel.
In the moment of temporary darkness, I kinda feel more alive. I hear my heart beating, the droplets of water from the stupid spoiled air conditioner, the rearing engines of cars on the road, and I hear myself. All this sounds kinda scary. It’s just me, trying to feel.
Colours of my life 