Right under my feet is air made of bricks;

It’s so haunting. The sounds, the sights, the words, the picture. It comes back again and again. I close my eyes and see it. I open my eyes and I see it everywhere. I’m scared. I reach out my hand, but it’s just an illusion. I watch it slip through my fingers. Turing from smoke into thin air. But I feel it’s presence. It’s all around me. It’s closing in. There’s no left, no right. I’m sure my feet is grounded. At least I think it’s supporting me. There’s only one way out. Upwards. But no, it’s closed. I see red. Red like blood. Red like blood. It closes in and I’m gone.

Red like blood. Blood that’s not mine. What should I do?

I gave it away and it’s gone.

Read Full Post »

Chasing Pavements

I’ve made up my mind,
Don’t need to think it over
If I’m wrong, I am right
Don’t need to look no further,
This ain’t lust
I know this is love

But, if I tell the world
I’ll never say enough
’cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin’ as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it

Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

;Chasing Pavements – Adele

Read Full Post »

Fly

 

I started flying. But. I couldn’t let go of what was behind me.

Read Full Post »

A window and a mirror

Eyes are the windows to the soul. So does the mirror reflect your true feelings? I stare into the mirror and I stare and stare. I try real hard to find some meaning in my eyes. Today, they seem empty. Like shallow water in a bottomless pit. A shallow depth of brown, shimmering stuff staring back at me. It’s empty. Ain’t nothing there to speak to you. Not even a slight sparkle. It’s really hard, trying to stand on my own two feet, though I know I have God with me and all. But, I doubt. And with bad days, I spiral and I can’t find the light. Like the ballerina who can’t dance, and the king who can’t speak. I’m just a lost sheep looking for my shepherd. I know and I know everything that can, which can, should be and will get me through this whirlpool of emotions. All the right verses and all the right prayers. I laugh, I cry, I smile and I eat. Time passes on and things don’t change. She has yet to complete her dance, and he, his speech. Then at night, this heart-tugging moment comes and it pulls at my heart. I want to know what’s going on and I search for the cause. The tugging continues and my heart aches. I wonder why. There are no answers, no reason, no cause. Before I turn in for the day, I stare at the ceiling and feel the dull resonance of my heart ache. I will for it to go away. It doesn’t happen. Not at all. I just hear the thumping, loud and clear in my ears. I’m alive and here comes tomorrow. When will this stop? When she becomes a swan and soars across the auditorium? When he hears the resounding applause of the crowd? When I see sparkle in my eyes?

It’s not just simply gaining independence like what everybody thinks. You don’t need independence to study a few thousand miles away. It’s more than appreciating home, family and friends. It’s more than an experience that you’ll never forget. It’s that dull ache in your heart that needs to be recognised and felt, nurtured and grown into something else, called you. It’s this dull ache that speaks to you at night, scarier than the scariest stories of the night, the monsters that live inside of you. Is it a window? Or a mirror? That’s the puzzle of the night.

Read Full Post »